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So before going to bed in the wee small hours I read this Cracked.com article which had been linked on FB. Basically it points out that the world only sees what you put out there, and how you go about putting it out there. If it doesn't like that maybe you need to find/build something else about yourself to "sell", or find/learn another way of selling.
The article sort of touches on both ends without mentioning the middle. To start with it talks about the importance of "closing" whatever transaction you are trying to make with the world (ie making the sale). Then it jumps to the beginning
- figuring out what you make/do that gives the world (specifically members of [insert gender/s you are attracted to here]) that gives them any reason to want you, that they can't get a better deal on elsewhere (this doesn't have to be material)
- and how you show the world that you can and will do that (emphasis, show don't tell)
What it misses (perhaps a weakness, perhaps deliberate) is any advice on how to make the "close". There is quite a lot of this out there but (as we're talking about transactions) I have mostly seen it in advice for salespeople / small businesses / freelancers. It involves "The Ask" - once you've shown what your product/service has to offer the majority of the time you still have to look the potential client in the eye and ask "so, can we do business?" The parallel to asking out someone you're interested in should be obvious.
I really really suck at The Ask. Perhaps it's something I missed out on growing up, perhaps I just gave up "practising" too soon (see next article, below). There is another question I ask constantly though: "Is there anything I can do for you?" Or to myself: "Is there anything I can do for this person?"
Answering yes to the second is behind many of the things I do for people "spontaneously". In terms of the article this is one way I show the world what I am capable of. Acting on answers to the first is another. And it's perhaps obtuse and a poor strategy, but when it comes down to attractive women I often hope for the answer to translate into something that leads to relationship status change. It may sound like unfairly putting "The Ask" back on them, but it's also seeking a sign of permission to make The Ask myself.
The "world as a transaction based system" premise of the article is something I disagree with. Here "I reject your reality and substitute my own". You can exist that way but I believe that a life worth living is a function of give and receive, not give and take. Most people are happiest when they are making something, and in my world that certainly includes making people happy.
~~~
As a follow up Cracked recommended "How 'The Karate Kid' Ruined The Modern World. This one is a rant about how training montages in films have given a generation unreasonable expectations of how long it takes to get really good at something.
I mention it here because there is a relationship back to the advice I've seen in almost every article about starting out as a freelancer/contractor ever - things always take longer than you think they will. You can only ever get better at allowing for that. Aslo don;t get sucked into the myth that "you have to finish what you start, but I'd better leave that for another day.
~~~
For their contributions to this post Marsden would like to acknowledge the small gods of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lenfant_de_jeu, Mountain Dew/sugar/caffiene, sleep deprivation and too much dancing.
The article sort of touches on both ends without mentioning the middle. To start with it talks about the importance of "closing" whatever transaction you are trying to make with the world (ie making the sale). Then it jumps to the beginning
- figuring out what you make/do that gives the world (specifically members of [insert gender/s you are attracted to here]) that gives them any reason to want you, that they can't get a better deal on elsewhere (this doesn't have to be material)
- and how you show the world that you can and will do that (emphasis, show don't tell)
What it misses (perhaps a weakness, perhaps deliberate) is any advice on how to make the "close". There is quite a lot of this out there but (as we're talking about transactions) I have mostly seen it in advice for salespeople / small businesses / freelancers. It involves "The Ask" - once you've shown what your product/service has to offer the majority of the time you still have to look the potential client in the eye and ask "so, can we do business?" The parallel to asking out someone you're interested in should be obvious.
I really really suck at The Ask. Perhaps it's something I missed out on growing up, perhaps I just gave up "practising" too soon (see next article, below). There is another question I ask constantly though: "Is there anything I can do for you?" Or to myself: "Is there anything I can do for this person?"
Answering yes to the second is behind many of the things I do for people "spontaneously". In terms of the article this is one way I show the world what I am capable of. Acting on answers to the first is another. And it's perhaps obtuse and a poor strategy, but when it comes down to attractive women I often hope for the answer to translate into something that leads to relationship status change. It may sound like unfairly putting "The Ask" back on them, but it's also seeking a sign of permission to make The Ask myself.
The "world as a transaction based system" premise of the article is something I disagree with. Here "I reject your reality and substitute my own". You can exist that way but I believe that a life worth living is a function of give and receive, not give and take. Most people are happiest when they are making something, and in my world that certainly includes making people happy.
~~~
As a follow up Cracked recommended "How 'The Karate Kid' Ruined The Modern World. This one is a rant about how training montages in films have given a generation unreasonable expectations of how long it takes to get really good at something.
I mention it here because there is a relationship back to the advice I've seen in almost every article about starting out as a freelancer/contractor ever - things always take longer than you think they will. You can only ever get better at allowing for that. Aslo don;t get sucked into the myth that "you have to finish what you start, but I'd better leave that for another day.
~~~
For their contributions to this post Marsden would like to acknowledge the small gods of
lenfant_de_jeu, Mountain Dew/sugar/caffiene, sleep deprivation and too much dancing.
