Marsden is Here

I am months behind on journaling life events, at least as far back as the beginning of April. Rather than chronological order, they're going to get posts as I have the spoons and headspace for each.

We've been house-hunting on and off for about 18 months, as D's inheritance appeared to be on the horizon only to vanish back into complications. The little house we built while an almost perfect size at the time could not stretch to properly accommodate two adults, two full time teenage residents, one semi-regular teenage visitor, two cats and D's needs as her textile art career grows. I know there are many larger families squeezed into smaller spaces, but I still don't think that should be an acceptable state of affairs.

( Buying, selling and moving )

Now that we've had a few weeks to settle in ... life is better. The whole estate/house-hunt/move thing is no longer hanging over us. We have enough space that people aren't constantly tripping over each other / trying to hide in their own little spaces. The background/baseline stress level has dropped.

I have an office space which is larger than the (1700mm x 1220mm L) desk and a bar stool, with a door that I can close and a window. It is a large bedroom and doubles as the guest room, so there is also a double bed, good wardrobe/storage, and still enough floor space for a comfortable chair and cattens to tear around in the open chasing toys/shadows.

The master bedroom has plenty of space for a couch making it a proper "quiet retreat" space when needed. We have an en-suite with a shower which is no worse that the one we left behind, a walk-in-wardrobe with a kitty-proof door. (Until they figure out door handles.) Both the kids have bigger bedrooms than the second bedroom in the old house. The main toilet is separate from the main bathroom.

D loves the bigger kitchen, and her new quilting studio which was previously the "media room". We've had to upgrade the lighting of course and she has also had a fixed design wall installed.

The house is about 10 years old and comes with a well established garden which we haven't had the weather + time combination to properly assess but looks pretty low maintenance beyond pruning. I'm going to be able to plant out things which have been living in pots for the better part of five years.

It remains to be seen how ongoing finances stack up. Some bills have gone up, but some have also have gone down/away. My projection is that we should be no worse off week on week.

Cat Resolutions

I found this while undertaking some email hygiene. Googling suggests it last did the rounds about 2008. Well time it was seen again.

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I will not run through the house with a condom wrapper in my mouth, especially when my human's grandmother is over.

My human will never let me eat her pet rat, and I am at peace with that.

I will not leap into my human's chair which she has temporarily vacated, and then bite my human on the bum when she sits back down.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

I will not sniff at my male human's feet after he takes his shoes off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my private parts to compare odors. My female human might find it amusing, but my male human does not appreciate it, especially in front of company.

I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.

I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.

I will not bite my human on the rear while she is sitting on the Big White Drinking Bowl.

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so my humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur. )

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.

When my human is taking a bubble bath, the two pinkish-brown things sticking up out of the bubbles in her chest region are NOT to be played with!

I will not fish out my human's partial plate from the glass so that the 
dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, roll over in bed, and see the dog grinning at you with your own teeth.

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

I will not drag dirty socks up from the hamper in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs (Bengal LOUD yowling) so that my human can admire my "kill."

I will not knead my male human's groin at 2 a.m. with claws extended. It seems to cause him some discomfort and he wakes up all grumpy.

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

I will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over my humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I am a (neutered) cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase 
leaves.

I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.

I will not complain that my butt is wet and that I am thirsty after 
sitting in my water bowl.

I will not intrude on my human's candlelit bubble bath and singe my butt off.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it dissolves in boiling coffee.

Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them.

When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to have my human open every door so I can check.

Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.

I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird feeder (with my tail hanging out one side) and expect the birds to just fly in.

I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.

The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.

Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the backyard. There have been for several years. I don't have to act as if I've just discovered the 
Demon Horror of the Universe each time one of them appears in my window.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring 
in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will cease my obsession with the box my humans keep their condoms in This box is not for me. I will not knock it on the ground, I will not sit on it, I will not try to scratch it open. Especially when my humans are using the condoms.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to back light my lovely tail.

I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.

I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the 
speaker phone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.

I will not speed dial the overseas numbers.

Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters) stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside. I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.

I will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard next door. They have sharp hooves and could hurt me if they weren't laughing so hard.

I will not watch the guinea pig constantly as the guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.

The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.

I will not put a live vole in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.

I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.

I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!", "BITER!!!", and "GET HELP!!!!!"

I promise I will meditate more closely upon the causal relationship between going dumpster diving on Sunday afternoon and projectile vomiting Monday, and being brought to the Evil Place Where They Stick Things Up My Butt on Tuesday evening. I realize that if I hadn't done the first, none of the other things would have happened.

I don't need to check my male human's aim in the bathroom.

I will not bat at my male human's family jewels while he is engaged in the act of mating with my female human, no matter how tempting the danglies are. My humans get mad and I might get free flying lessons.

I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is forgiven and can now pet me.

I will not scratch the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea. I will not get high and sit there drinking my tea and kneading the floor afterwards. I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub. And I will not try to make tea with used socks, dirty panties or hair scrunches when my humans take the catnip toy away from me.

After my (female) human has enjoyed the company of a larger, but equally gorgeous, hairy animal, I will not leap onto the bed, smell where he's been, and then jealously pee there to eradicate his traces.

A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.

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While I was looking for the source, I also found this site - https://badpets.net/CatHumor/CatLinks.html

In brief, the Term of Parliament (Enabling 4-year Term) Legislation Amendment Bill attempts to establish a 4-year term between national government elections, in exchange for giving non-government MPs a greater presence on select committees. This would come into effect should it pass a referendum to be held at one of the next two national elections.

And the official online submission form. Submissions close 1.00pm Thursday, 17 April 2025

If you want to draw on mine as inspiration for your own personalised submission go right ahead, but please write something unique, don't cut and paste from this without making it clear that you are quoting from another submission :)

( Submission )

1. In between Xmas and New Year Ellie Kat ate something which disagreed with her, leading to explosive diarrhea and a trip to the after-hours vet tight-as-a-drum with gas.

Whether this was cause or effect isn't clear, but after she recovered she had lost control of her bowel movements; she was unable to "hold it in" and had to squat and drop wherever she was. Another trip to the vet later and the cause was most likely that the bones spurs in the base of her spine had reached the point that the nerve to that are were no longer able to do their job properly. Reluctantly, because she had become very dear to D in the ~18 moths we had her, we chose to have her put down.

E was in Wellington for the whole of this, which was probably a mercy. While Gytha was a very trusting cat and the vets had no trouble getting the cannula in, Ellie was /not/ a very trusting cat and eventually had to be sedated. It was not the peaceful end we had hoped for.

I buried her up by the back fence, in another spot which will get a bit of sun.

~~~
2. #FuckCancer. I did not expect to be attending another funeral, but another decades-long, though not close, friend passed away mid-January. Initially diagnosed with myeloma? (a blood cancer) ~2018 which was initially beaten into remission, then returned a few years later, Robyn was nearly five years younger than me, and had accomplished more in that time than I possibly ever will. She was wickedly intelligent, scarily organised in most areas of her life, went all in when she set her mind to something and incredibly generous. Physical legacies that she has left (mentioned at the funeral) include in her over 4000 memorials and 50,000 photos contributed to the Find a Grave project, contributions to veterinary science (aquaculture) and climate science, and she is the only person I know who has had a charity event re-named in their honour. She was another of those truly good people that most of us can only hope to be.

Robyn packed as much as physically possible into her last few years, and according to her last few Facebook posts had an absolutely perfect Xmas and New Years to round things out. It was noted by more than one attendee at her funeral what a great coincidence it was that it occurred the same week as many of her out-of-town friends were in fact back in town for an an annual SCA event, and so were able to be there in person and grieve surrounded by a support network of mutual friends.

Rest in Power.

So, 2024. We've kept our heads above water but little more. Ever in hope of the bulk of D's inheritance actually arriving which has seen delay after delay. It means we've periodically shifted into house-hunting mode as with D's youngest, R, coming to live with us ... in less than a week now ... and D desperately needing more studio space we have outgrown this little house. We're poised to put the property the market (contract signed etc) as soon as we have somewhere else we can offer on. We've seen a good number of places that would work excellently for us, or be they mostly at the very upper end of what we expect to be able to afford, and sales in that space have been slow so I'm confident we will be able to find somewhere.

The landscaping on this property has been done, just lawn, gravel and a little wall along the back bank, thanks to a loan from parental unit which will be paid back when house is sold.

Work this year has been solid, no dramas. The NDRI prescribed by my new doctor seems to be working, I've been able to keep focus a lot better although this hasn't actually increased the number of hours I can manage :( But I'll take writing better code that I'm more confident in / happier with as a win. I've also had more energy for chores around the house in the mornings, though not a lot more mental/emotional spoons outside of work.

Gaming - not much, in person anyway. A short campaign at the beginning of the year while A was in the country. A couple of visits to J & T's. Mostly it's just D and I on BGA, Terraforming Mars mostly with Wingspan, Seven Wonders Duel, or Race for the Galaxy when we don't have enough time/spoons for TM. D gave me Masters of Orion 3 for Xmas so we had an actual computer game that we could play together, the MOO games are exactly one of my cups of digital tea so I may lose more time to that on single player than I should.

Family-wise - D & I had our big trip to Sydney, and we'll have been married 5 years in two short weeks. On one of the boys' visits down R discovered that D keeps all his cards and drawings and stuff and had a bit of an epiphany about how much his Mum loves him (and a consequential emotional overload episode). That's contributed to him expressing his desire to try living/schooling down here for at least a year. E has had a bit of a roller-coaster year including more diagnoses, but has really blossomed in/from their drama group and grown in confidence overall.

We lost Gytha of course, which was a big blow to all of us. It was a bad year for pets - I lost count of how many friends and acquaintances also had to send fur-children over the rainbow bridge.

D has continued to go from strength to strength in her quilting with more exhibitions, more prizes (including a viewers choice), and of course Epilepsy's acceptance into the Houston International Quilt Show. We did manage to raise enough funds to send her there, I'm very proud of her receiving 3 out of 3 funding applications as well as very grateful to everyone who contributed to the GiveALittle. Once she actually gets the write up posted on her website I'll come back and link to it. She had an intense and inspiring time.

~~~

I have taken the work shutdown as holidays again this year, and intended to take it easy. In actuality my time has been mostly taken up with end-of-year administration, reinstalling 2 PCs and 2 laptops (so far) with slimmed down versions of Windows 10/11 in anticipation of increased household computing needs, and "spring" / pre-sale cleaning and clean-out, and I don't feel rested /at all/.

E is at their father's for Xmas/NY so D & I have theoretically had a quiet couple of weeks together. In actuality between our body clocks running almost completely opposite hours at the moment and a mutual lack of spoons we haven't seen as much of each other as we would have liked, nor to get out and visit friends. D has spoiled me with dinners and baking though <3

Several weeks ago now I attended the funeral of an acquaintance who had died unexpectedly. I didn't know B personally at all well, we've basically just overlapped at social events, but I have known him and his partner since before they were a couple, so apparently over 25 years. I well liked and respected him, and coincidentally had bumped into him (not literally) a few weeks earlier while we were both filling up on either side of the same petrol pump. I think that would have been the first time we'd met since pre-Covid.

People tend to say nice things at and around funerals, but even so the consensus seems to be that B was one of the best of people, the type of perpetually kind, supportive and uplifting person most of us can only hope to be.

He was also only not-that-many-years older than me, falling in that space between parents and age-group peers. By this time in life, I've always considered that it would be normal to have lost grandparents and some number of my parent's generation to natural causes* and some of my own or younger to tragedies*.

*[Aside: natural causes can also be tragic, and on that note Fuck Cancer, again. I am currently and off the top of my head two or less degrees of separation from 4? 5? 6? people that I know of who are making the most of whatever time they have left after terminal diagnoses. At least two immediate acquaintances are in the liminal space between diagnosis of less advanced cancers and beginning treatment.]

So I think it is something about that intermediate generation starting to "suffer medical events" that made this hit harder than normal. Due to the nature of my social group I have quite few friends of about that age and whose funerals I fully expect to have to attend before I turn in my own boots, and I now find myself viewing those inevitable losses with a new clarity, alongside those of my own age. I'm hopeful that they all have another 30-40 years left in them ...

I have health insurances of course, which eat up a painful amount of our budget each month despite being not as comprehensive as I would like and never have being claimed on, and my will is in order so that D will be as taken care of as whatever assets I have left will allow.

I am growing to resent more and more either my own inability to reach out to people that I want to spend more time with /have more memories of before either I or they are gone, or this rat-race of a society which doesn't leave me with the time or energy to do so.

~~~
Most of this post has been bouncing around in my head since I heard the news of B's death, I just haven't had the time and spoons to get it down. I'm writing it now partly because I do actually have an evening to myself and the spoons to do something with it, but also because I woke up from a dream this morning where most of the family (five of the six of us plus at least one uncle and some number of niblings) had been on a family trip back to Erewhon (there was a lot more going on in the dream but not relevant) and when we were starting to leave my father started to get very emotional because it would be the last time he visited.

I kind of woke up with the thought +feeling? +emotion? that "there is a last time for everything" going around in my head, and I'm not quite sure what to do with it. It's a statement of the obvious, that there must be as many last times for everything as there are first times for everything in a life, even if often they will be the same time.

Protest gathering in Ōtautahi/Christchurch to protest the bullshit Treaty Principles Bill and support Te Tiriti o Waitangi.

The 48 didn't really fire this year, I took a few photos Saturday evening..

Little Black Tailless Cat Gytha (ne Winnie), aka Twitchy-butt, Bunny-butt and so on, entered my life somewhen before I adopted her when another friend homed her for a while but ultimately had to return her to cat rescue. I had been doing the "at some point another cat will enter my life" thing since Racky's death and this seemed as good a time as any. She became part of my family in July 2014, a little under 10 years ago.

Gytha was one of the most people-friendly and social cats one could ever hope to meet / be the person of and brought great joy not only to myself and my family, but also to many visitors. When I was hosting (often loud) student parties she would often venture forth to meet people and keep company.

10 years worth of cat photos and video


( declining health and the end )

She was a trusting, loving, affectionate cat right up to the end and we are going to miss her so much. I have buried her up on the bank at the rear of the property, in a spot where the morning sun will brush over her even though she is no longer sitting in a window for it.

Depending on how E feels We may look into getting a new cuddle-cat when we move in a few months, that way it and Ellie can come terms with each other and a new house together without any pre-existing territory issues.