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It is the last few hours of 2022. There is no KAOS party this year, and as D has come down with something flu-like we are also not venturing out to either of the drinkies we have been invited to.
I am not feeling positive going into the New Year, even less so than going into this year. Hanging over me or settled in my gut is something like generalised anxiety, but not exactly. I suspect it may be some type of self loathing, born of having given more than I intended or wanted to over this year physically, emotionally, financially with nothing to show for it myself and precious little to show for anyone else.
Let's take a look back in bullet points
# Notable events
* We got Covid and survived; do not want to repeat the experience.
* D found greater success with her quilting, and has gained in both confidence and a clearer idea of what sort of quilts she /wants/ to make.
* About the same time D's mother died and a memorial service was held, and the ramifications of that - i.e. processing her will which is stalled waiting to reach the top of the probate queue - are still being worked through.
* Things blew up at work. I haven't written a followup post yet, still working through some things, but the prospect of having to walk away from the company I have been working for for the past 15 years - leaving them in the lurch - does not fill me with joy.
# ADHD / Brute forcing / Mental health
* I have an entire post about ADHD and me in mental draft, but aforementioned work post got in the way.
* The short version when I asked the Dr about diagnosis options he said that the public system is so underesourced that the last patient he referred had to wait two years. (Further research indicates the there is/was one (1) person who doing the assessments for the entire South Island). We're looking at private options for when/if the money becomes available.
* meanwhile everything continues to be brute forced, including working through the Xmas shutdown again. (At least this time I will be getting paid for it on top of the annual leave).
* but it certainly goes a long way to explain why I feel so flat and why all the posts about my mental health on FB this year have been negative.
# Gaming
* D & I are hosting a theoretically-weekly Star Trek Adventures game, Next Generation/DS9 period but off in a different sector. We knew the GM and one other player going in (existing group following on from a completed TOS campaign) and the rest of the group is, like us, ~40s in age with children (one of whom turned out to be a friend of E's, but we didn't discover that until later).
* Computerwise there has been a bit of Civ and quite a bit on Path of Exile; my primary characters are still struggling to level through the 80s but I've gradually managed to improve the builds/survivability; and D & my current pairing have made it to Part 2.
* We've also played quite a lot of 7 Wonders: Duel and Race For The Galaxy on Board Game Arena. Actual board games have mostly been Splendour; there have not been a great many opportunities for games which are more than just the two of us.
# Family (other)
* one of the few things I think I have succeeded at this year is being a supportive husband.
* E has decided that they are a they/them, and D & I are still trying to break the habit of using the old pronouns.
# The world around
* Covid, ongoing
* "Antivax" protests and subsequent events, ongoing
* Putin's war on the Ukraine, ongoing
* Queen Elizabeth II's death
# Other
* I started cross-posting more to my Mastodon account as the Twitter storm blew more people that I knew over there. Unlike my other social media presences, over there I'm also now following just-interesting-seeming people as well as people I have a direct connection to.
I am not feeling positive going into the New Year, even less so than going into this year. Hanging over me or settled in my gut is something like generalised anxiety, but not exactly. I suspect it may be some type of self loathing, born of having given more than I intended or wanted to over this year physically, emotionally, financially with nothing to show for it myself and precious little to show for anyone else.
Let's take a look back in bullet points
# Notable events
* We got Covid and survived; do not want to repeat the experience.
* D found greater success with her quilting, and has gained in both confidence and a clearer idea of what sort of quilts she /wants/ to make.
* About the same time D's mother died and a memorial service was held, and the ramifications of that - i.e. processing her will which is stalled waiting to reach the top of the probate queue - are still being worked through.
* Things blew up at work. I haven't written a followup post yet, still working through some things, but the prospect of having to walk away from the company I have been working for for the past 15 years - leaving them in the lurch - does not fill me with joy.
# ADHD / Brute forcing / Mental health
* I have an entire post about ADHD and me in mental draft, but aforementioned work post got in the way.
* The short version when I asked the Dr about diagnosis options he said that the public system is so underesourced that the last patient he referred had to wait two years. (Further research indicates the there is/was one (1) person who doing the assessments for the entire South Island). We're looking at private options for when/if the money becomes available.
* meanwhile everything continues to be brute forced, including working through the Xmas shutdown again. (At least this time I will be getting paid for it on top of the annual leave).
* but it certainly goes a long way to explain why I feel so flat and why all the posts about my mental health on FB this year have been negative.
# Gaming
* D & I are hosting a theoretically-weekly Star Trek Adventures game, Next Generation/DS9 period but off in a different sector. We knew the GM and one other player going in (existing group following on from a completed TOS campaign) and the rest of the group is, like us, ~40s in age with children (one of whom turned out to be a friend of E's, but we didn't discover that until later).
* Computerwise there has been a bit of Civ and quite a bit on Path of Exile; my primary characters are still struggling to level through the 80s but I've gradually managed to improve the builds/survivability; and D & my current pairing have made it to Part 2.
* We've also played quite a lot of 7 Wonders: Duel and Race For The Galaxy on Board Game Arena. Actual board games have mostly been Splendour; there have not been a great many opportunities for games which are more than just the two of us.
# Family (other)
* one of the few things I think I have succeeded at this year is being a supportive husband.
* E has decided that they are a they/them, and D & I are still trying to break the habit of using the old pronouns.
# The world around
* Covid, ongoing
* "Antivax" protests and subsequent events, ongoing
* Putin's war on the Ukraine, ongoing
* Queen Elizabeth II's death
# Other
* I started cross-posting more to my Mastodon account as the Twitter storm blew more people that I knew over there. Unlike my other social media presences, over there I'm also now following just-interesting-seeming people as well as people I have a direct connection to.
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