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After work on Friday I firmly set aside all work worries and as many others as I could for the next 3 days the better to enjoy (and recover from) the 48 Hour party.
Unfortunately the main effect of that seemed to be the creation of a void which was quickly filled by older angst bubbling back to the surface again.
Such that it very much wound up being the sort of experience for me which was all too common a few years ago, before I started on anti-depressants (and it may not be co-incidental that I am only a couple of weeks in to /changing/ medication to find out if it is contributing to my excessive sleep ins).
Such that despite a very good start (including GF chocolate cake) and positive first few hours, by 1am on the first night when all the talking I was interested in seemed to have been done and almost everyone else at the party was drunk or making out* - and I was neither - my mood had taken a serious dive. I stuck it out until 2am to meet my taxi-ing commitments but ended up only trading one passenger who didn't want to leave with one from another driver who didn't want to leave. They live closer so that was OK. I took the rarestep of cooking (well reheating) something to eat before bed.
* there seemed to be more / a higher intensity of that going on than average - but that could be purely perceptual
The Saturday day was lacklustre although I managed to get a few laughs over brunch.
There were painful reminders of the previous night and after the battle (skirmish) I came home and napped away the afternoon and the beginning of the storm. Before going out I made sure to light the fire so as to have a warmer house to come home to.
Reverting also to old coping mechanisms I procured dinner for those actually there Saturday evening. Saturday night's weather kept the party contained in the house which had space enough but was more crowded and noisy than I was able to easily cope with. There was no let up in the angst triggers but my mood was saved from totally flat-lining by the opportunity to give what seemed to be needed hugs to one of my dearest and unexpectedly receiving some minutes worth of cuddling-while-listening-to-the-music from another.
Nevertheless I bailed about 1am; and between /not/ being able to drag myself out of bed and meeting family for (and overpriced, order messed up) brunch and opening the Hall for a group who later cancelled didn't get back until about 1pm. About a lounge-worth of people had gathered to play board games (much the same as last year) and I enjoyed Thurn and Taxis despite Hall interruptions and won DC Heroes.
I got home just before one of my Sunday gamers who had missed the memo about not this weekend and dropped her back home before again reverting to old coping mechanisms and starting a game of online FreeCiv which ran through my now-awake patch and until 3am-ish when I finally gave into to cold and tired. Managed to get up about 10am for food and pills but then went back to bed for warmth until breakfast kicked in as I had clearly not eaten in too long and my body was not maintaining temperature. I could also feel a fluey sore throat coming on but a strepsils and more hours of sleep seemed to fix that. More hours of sleep was not what I /had/ planned to do with my day off but there you go.
Having to be at the Hall got me out of bed again (very) shortly before 3; I then had to stay there and deal with people much longer than planned; but I did manage to get some wood cut for the week after I got home and did not in the end need to return and close up.
Most of the evening has gone on FreeCiv again until C stopped getting the internet in his room and a router/modem reset was required.
This post has been me trying to set aside all the old crap again so I can maybe sleep and then focus on work tomorrow.
Unfortunately the main effect of that seemed to be the creation of a void which was quickly filled by older angst bubbling back to the surface again.
Such that it very much wound up being the sort of experience for me which was all too common a few years ago, before I started on anti-depressants (and it may not be co-incidental that I am only a couple of weeks in to /changing/ medication to find out if it is contributing to my excessive sleep ins).
Such that despite a very good start (including GF chocolate cake) and positive first few hours, by 1am on the first night when all the talking I was interested in seemed to have been done and almost everyone else at the party was drunk or making out* - and I was neither - my mood had taken a serious dive. I stuck it out until 2am to meet my taxi-ing commitments but ended up only trading one passenger who didn't want to leave with one from another driver who didn't want to leave. They live closer so that was OK. I took the rarestep of cooking (well reheating) something to eat before bed.
* there seemed to be more / a higher intensity of that going on than average - but that could be purely perceptual
The Saturday day was lacklustre although I managed to get a few laughs over brunch.
Achievement unlocked Incited uncontrollable self-perpetuating laughter.
There were painful reminders of the previous night and after the battle (skirmish) I came home and napped away the afternoon and the beginning of the storm. Before going out I made sure to light the fire so as to have a warmer house to come home to.
Reverting also to old coping mechanisms I procured dinner for those actually there Saturday evening. Saturday night's weather kept the party contained in the house which had space enough but was more crowded and noisy than I was able to easily cope with. There was no let up in the angst triggers but my mood was saved from totally flat-lining by the opportunity to give what seemed to be needed hugs to one of my dearest and unexpectedly receiving some minutes worth of cuddling-while-listening-to-the-music from another.
Nevertheless I bailed about 1am; and between /not/ being able to drag myself out of bed and meeting family for (and overpriced, order messed up) brunch and opening the Hall for a group who later cancelled didn't get back until about 1pm. About a lounge-worth of people had gathered to play board games (much the same as last year) and I enjoyed Thurn and Taxis despite Hall interruptions and won DC Heroes.
I got home just before one of my Sunday gamers who had missed the memo about not this weekend and dropped her back home before again reverting to old coping mechanisms and starting a game of online FreeCiv which ran through my now-awake patch and until 3am-ish when I finally gave into to cold and tired. Managed to get up about 10am for food and pills but then went back to bed for warmth until breakfast kicked in as I had clearly not eaten in too long and my body was not maintaining temperature. I could also feel a fluey sore throat coming on but a strepsils and more hours of sleep seemed to fix that. More hours of sleep was not what I /had/ planned to do with my day off but there you go.
Having to be at the Hall got me out of bed again (very) shortly before 3; I then had to stay there and deal with people much longer than planned; but I did manage to get some wood cut for the week after I got home and did not in the end need to return and close up.
Most of the evening has gone on FreeCiv again until C stopped getting the internet in his room and a router/modem reset was required.
This post has been me trying to set aside all the old crap again so I can maybe sleep and then focus on work tomorrow.
