This is about me

[marsden_online]

http://webworkerdaily.com/2009/09/07/labor-day-challenge-wrestle-your-work-back-into-its-box/

Most of the people I know who are willing to sacrifice downtime for uptime define themselves, to a large degree, by their work. They are their business, or their profession, or their role within their organization. Left without their RSS feeds, emails and task lists, they’re at a loss to identify with the person they actually are. Unless they’re responding to the latest email or tweeting about their new product launch, they feel they don’t exist.

I say often that I don't feel right unless I'm working on something. Reading this it feels right to narrow that down - If I'm not doing something, I feel like I don't exist.

- on the computer: building a website for somebody, upgrading software, writing a blog post, replying to comments/emails, processing photos...
- prepping for a game; active in a game
- at a party: taking photos, playing taxi
- even gardening, as a 'recreational' exercise.

It almost feels more specific to say "If I'm not building something I feel like I don't exist.

This is a problem because of course I'm still in the recovery from some sort of burn-out, and I simply don't have the energy to be finding and doing things all the time any more. Which leads to a lot of time lost
- sitting around hoarding my reserves
- waiting for something to do to come to me (usually via email)
- feeling miserable which leads to low energy levels
- repeat

I know that I'm getting better because of the enthusiasm I felt towards the dessert takeaways idea. But there's no way I'm back up to driving that size project by myself yet, and even if I was I'm pretty sure it would only lead to another crash if I tried to do it all myself.

The vast majority of projects I take on willingly are done because other people will be interested, preferably involved. Projects I start because I want/need something or otherwise just think it's a good idea tend to languish after a few weeks, like my own websites.

~~~
Interesting thing this morning - there's a website I'm working on (paying), waiting on the design (next week sometime). There were some functional changes that needed be made but I didn't want to turn on the clock to make them while I was waiting for this other stuff to go ahead. In the end I just opened the files and made the changes without turning on the clock, and immediately felt better for it.

I do work best & feel better when my motivation is not money+time, in fact that specifically can be a demotivator. Maybe it's performance anxiety. If I'm not getting paid I feel better about making & fixing mistakes.

~~~
There's more to this - maybe tomorrow - about this bit of the article

If you feel you need to wrestle your work back into its box, there’s no shortage of advice on the topic. The intriguing fad that is decluttering (a.k.a. simplifying your life) is just one approach — but what if you don’t feel exactly overwhelmed by commitments, demands or things outside of work?
Indeed, it seems that many people look beyond work and wonder what else is out there. Your friends are busy, you’re not good at sports, and you can’t afford a fancy art-school drawing class. So what is there?

~~~
Last time my rut ended at the edge of a cliff & for a short time I flew. Where did that feeling go?

Comments

[niennahirilfea.livejournal.com]

*hugs* What about things like game ideas? Can you work on that sort of thing to feel better?

[marsden-online.livejournal.com]

Only if there's something in it for someone else.

NeverWinter wraps up tonight after which I'm taking a break before deciding what to run next year.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_summer_sun_/]

Hi Marsden

My address is 150 Clarence Street, Riccarton, Phone number 9814844, 0273122477. Are we still aiming for ten tomorrow?

Cheers,


Ed