Feathers hang from the emaciated frames of my wings

[marsden_online]

Is this how Lucifer felt without his pinions? But weak is relative.

I breathe, move, speak like an "old" person. I realise that millions on this planet live this way every hour, every day, be it through age or sickness. And I am ever so aware of how immediate this fact has recently become to one close to me.

Were I a religous man, I might consider this a lesson in humility. But there are few anymore who would be so foolish as to try to teach me this way.

I admit I have weaknesses. More importantly to me, I admit where I do not have strengths. For the most part I can live with myself. But this ... state ... has never been, will never be acceptable.

Realising that the cycle of get the energy to make something to eat, find the energy to eat it and digest it to get the energy to make something else to eat was ultimately a losing course of action I stabilised enough to drive to the fish and chip shop. Alas cruel fate, the guy who makes beautiful burgers was there but the woman who makes so-so burgers at the best of times did the cooking. (And I waited in the car so as not to infect the shop any more than neccessary). Important - when trying to overcome a lack of apetite due to lack of energy make the food needs to taste nice! And my appetite was further lacking due to the bannana I ate just before leaving the house, just in case.

By the time I gave up on trying to eat the burger everything else was cold and unapppetising. I am reheating it in the oven for another go. I sense no conspiracy, just poor fortune.

More on age. Watching NZ Top of the Pops - did they take those kids out of school? I was looking at an audience of children. Couldn't they have at least provided a professional to fix the worst of the make-up disasters? I'm willing to be charitable and say that most of them might just have been due to the audience members inexperience making up for the camera.

Yes I'm well aware that I have no experience in applying makup either, but I have eyes and I can say "that looks wrong".

Anyway ToPs is supposed to have a slightly higher-class look to it's studio audience, IMO.

J2 played "Step by Step" - New Kids on the Block track from 1990 when they were still new. I remember it. I remember them, vaguely. I didn't pay much attention but they were a big thing. But that was 14 years ago. They played a Beatles clip from 1964 (which I surfed into near the end) which made me feel a little better. As I manged to find the energy to bet out of my chair they were playing Belinda Carlisle "You make Heaven a Place on Earth" - 1985 - I did the math, a child born in that year would be about 19 now, which means this year's first-years and maybe some of last-years were born ... after it. After the mid-eighties. The mid-eighties (which I have memories of, although few of them involve music) were 20 F%#&ing years ago.


Terror
I watched the footage of the shitstorm in Russia on the news tonight. I know it won't have the same global impact as 9/11 although it'll probably beat out the Bahamas bombing and Madrid train bombing (which was only really unusual in being from an external agency). In Russia however there is no doubting the impact.

Looking at the other recent attacks mentioned in the article I'm reminded about stories dating from the UK in the days of the IRA. And some of my European contacts have from time to time made mention of the histories of their own countries (including Spain).

Deliberately involving children in this manner is a new low for the region. It remains to be seen whether it has lowered the playing field, or whether everyone else refuses to follow the example of this group.

[this post took me almost exactly 70 minutes]