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I clearly overdid things this past week or so. Let me count the ways ...
- keeping my work hours up
- trying to organise/facilitate multiple events at the Hall, including a relatively major production at the Hall
- taking an evening out to attend a movie
- cumulating in hosting my yearly Friday the 13th Gothic Vampire party including dressing the house up and not getting to bed until nearly 24 hours awake
... so here I am holding my pillow tight (poor substitute) and fretting over things I don't have the resources to change (something I hadn't even realised I had stopped doing).
Work has been good, if a bit of a struggle because of lack of energy to get started and having to stop mid-flow to go and deal with Hall matters. Beyond that,Let me dump a whole heap of negativity ...
- Hall event 1, monthly working bee and a shot at holding a social. Even set up a FB event. 1 person managed to make the working bee potion and 1 turned up later to socialise (cancelled BBQ when it became clear no-one was actually going to make it, including the volunteers who had taken on food-organisation duties). No blame attached, just a combination of it being an event-filled time of the year and some unfortunate illness.
Except then I came in for criticism later in the week from someone for being the only person who actually knows all the groups who use the Hall, so if something comes up which might affect the volunteers as a whole they have to come to me for it to be communicated. To which my response was "Well it's not like I haven't been trying to encourage more mingling."
It seems like everyone just wants to do their own little thing at the Hall and then they turn to me and say "Oh it's amazing you put in so much time and effort" and "You totally should get to do some of the things you want to do at the Hall" apparently totally missing the point that the thing I *most* want (and it's top of only a short list) is for them to start *talking to each other* and form some sort of a community around the Hall so I don't *have* to be left in this position of linchpin.
This would be much easier if we had an email discussion list / FB group / other electronic means of getting shit done. But some are opposed and I have drawn a line before taking on responsibility for that as well. Someone else can f*ing step up to it.
- Hall event 2 a music video requiring a full (week)day to set up and a full (week)night pretty much to shoot - the same night as I was already going to a private group screening of The Hobbit II. Very grateful to S for stepping up and being on duty at the Hall for most of that time. But for the second movie in a row it meant leaving immediately after (previous was for an alarm) and not getting to actually socialise with people.
- seguing into this is also the second movie trip in a row where I have felt like I was sitting in a cinema of strangers despite a large number of people there being my friends. Avoiding that feeling is why I rarely go to movies by myself in the first place. I've no problems with the people who eventually at beside me, but they weren't anyone I could occasionally lean over and share a comment with.
While the credits rolled I did manage to go up the back and catch up with a friend I see irregularly which was nice, but then I had to leave feeling cut short.
- As for the party - well pre-anti-depressants I would have been been crashing and burning by shortly after midnight. The party itself went off fine - although preparations were down-to-the-wire most everyone who attended has enthused about having a good time. It just wasn't a good time I felt at all included in except for a few brief conversations which even then ... didn't really lead where I wanted them to. Turnout was on the light side and a number of people I had been looking forward to seeing didn't make it, I didn't have enough energy to dance much despite C's excellent playlist and looking at some of the mess afterwards ... it really doesn't feel like it was really been worth all the extra effort (and expense) that I ended up putting in. (One way and another I think this was probably *the* most expensive party I've hosted to date.) The amount of ... physical affection going around which also passed me by (as usual) certainly didn't help especially given that singleness has been biting hard this past month. You'd think I might be able to get snogged at my own party ... I cannot recall a time when that has ever happened.
~~~
So here I am, back in the pit, having spent much of the past two days in bed without the spoons to face cleanup (extra credit to C for dealing with a lot of that yesterday), regretting things never said and questions left unasked, writing out my angst in an attempt to purge it from my system.
These posts usually mark the low point in the cycle so hopefully it's all brighter from here for the next while. This week all I really have to deal with (so far) is work and a few tasks stemming from the last couple of weeks like gaming write up and photo gallery, and the end-of-year work dinner on Friday. Then I am theoretically "on holiday" for three whole weeks.
- keeping my work hours up
- trying to organise/facilitate multiple events at the Hall, including a relatively major production at the Hall
- taking an evening out to attend a movie
- cumulating in hosting my yearly Friday the 13th Gothic Vampire party including dressing the house up and not getting to bed until nearly 24 hours awake
... so here I am holding my pillow tight (poor substitute) and fretting over things I don't have the resources to change (something I hadn't even realised I had stopped doing).
Work has been good, if a bit of a struggle because of lack of energy to get started and having to stop mid-flow to go and deal with Hall matters. Beyond that,Let me dump a whole heap of negativity ...
- Hall event 1, monthly working bee and a shot at holding a social. Even set up a FB event. 1 person managed to make the working bee potion and 1 turned up later to socialise (cancelled BBQ when it became clear no-one was actually going to make it, including the volunteers who had taken on food-organisation duties). No blame attached, just a combination of it being an event-filled time of the year and some unfortunate illness.
Except then I came in for criticism later in the week from someone for being the only person who actually knows all the groups who use the Hall, so if something comes up which might affect the volunteers as a whole they have to come to me for it to be communicated. To which my response was "Well it's not like I haven't been trying to encourage more mingling."
It seems like everyone just wants to do their own little thing at the Hall and then they turn to me and say "Oh it's amazing you put in so much time and effort" and "You totally should get to do some of the things you want to do at the Hall" apparently totally missing the point that the thing I *most* want (and it's top of only a short list) is for them to start *talking to each other* and form some sort of a community around the Hall so I don't *have* to be left in this position of linchpin.
This would be much easier if we had an email discussion list / FB group / other electronic means of getting shit done. But some are opposed and I have drawn a line before taking on responsibility for that as well. Someone else can f*ing step up to it.
- Hall event 2 a music video requiring a full (week)day to set up and a full (week)night pretty much to shoot - the same night as I was already going to a private group screening of The Hobbit II. Very grateful to S for stepping up and being on duty at the Hall for most of that time. But for the second movie in a row it meant leaving immediately after (previous was for an alarm) and not getting to actually socialise with people.
- seguing into this is also the second movie trip in a row where I have felt like I was sitting in a cinema of strangers despite a large number of people there being my friends. Avoiding that feeling is why I rarely go to movies by myself in the first place. I've no problems with the people who eventually at beside me, but they weren't anyone I could occasionally lean over and share a comment with.
While the credits rolled I did manage to go up the back and catch up with a friend I see irregularly which was nice, but then I had to leave feeling cut short.
- As for the party - well pre-anti-depressants I would have been been crashing and burning by shortly after midnight. The party itself went off fine - although preparations were down-to-the-wire most everyone who attended has enthused about having a good time. It just wasn't a good time I felt at all included in except for a few brief conversations which even then ... didn't really lead where I wanted them to. Turnout was on the light side and a number of people I had been looking forward to seeing didn't make it, I didn't have enough energy to dance much despite C's excellent playlist and looking at some of the mess afterwards ... it really doesn't feel like it was really been worth all the extra effort (and expense) that I ended up putting in. (One way and another I think this was probably *the* most expensive party I've hosted to date.) The amount of ... physical affection going around which also passed me by (as usual) certainly didn't help especially given that singleness has been biting hard this past month. You'd think I might be able to get snogged at my own party ... I cannot recall a time when that has ever happened.
~~~
So here I am, back in the pit, having spent much of the past two days in bed without the spoons to face cleanup (extra credit to C for dealing with a lot of that yesterday), regretting things never said and questions left unasked, writing out my angst in an attempt to purge it from my system.
These posts usually mark the low point in the cycle so hopefully it's all brighter from here for the next while. This week all I really have to deal with (so far) is work and a few tasks stemming from the last couple of weeks like gaming write up and photo gallery, and the end-of-year work dinner on Friday. Then I am theoretically "on holiday" for three whole weeks.
