Cascading out-of-spoon errors

[marsden_online]

I went to check on dinner before starting this post - and discovered I hadn't turned the element on :(
~~~
- Get-out-of-bed time slipping later and later
- repeated periods of CBF working (work-work, campaign work, AH work, calendar work)
- pure bloody mindedness and planning resulting in two achievements a day (one work task, one chores task)
- error rate up, rage-at-the-code rate up, rage-about-the-client rate up
- groups-of-people tolerance way down, idiot tolerance way down
- extended periods of just staring at FB/PA refresh even though I know I really need to get away from the computer
- naps maybe 50% chance of being spoon-positive activity

What I'm facing is a serious lack of spoon-positive activities in my life. Normally there would at least be something from gaming but I spend so many spoons seemingly being 50%+ of the active party that it's at best spoon-neutral. And prepping for Gemini is spoon-negative in the short term, and I almost expect it to be spoon-negative when it comes to running the game as well. GMing is not a low-spoon activity.

Exercise would probably help, but I can't summon the spoons to actually do any. Today I mowed the lawns and did some weeding - and that wiped me out physically. (Then followed by a spoon-negative nap.)

I've been trying to take time out and read a discworld book every couple of days (instead of napping) and that's been good - but again it's only coming out spoon neutral.

I distantly recall ... someone ... years ago talking about their experience of being institutionalised for a while and how it was actually really nice not to have deal with organising -everything- for yourself. And that kind of represents how I feel about now - it would be really fucking nice not to have to organise everything in my life. Because I'm finding that if I have to organise it, the chances of getting more spoons back out of it than I put in are pretty damn slim. And right now I don't have the spoons to risk putting in to anything.

Being spoon-poor is like being money-poor in that respect, you can't afford to invest in the more expensive things that will save/return you spoons in the long run, you just have to make it day-by-day as best you can.

~~~
Winamp is being a smart ass again
"Ordinary World"

Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Every one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world, I will learn to survive
Any one
Is my world
Every one
Is my world

Comments

[niennahirilfea.livejournal.com]

I know it's as helpful as a chocolate teapot, but *HUGS*

[marsden-online.livejournal.com]

I wish I knew why this post was attracting spam comments (mostly about handbags) on the order of several per day.

[jomas-45.livejournal.com]

Would it help to take your computer to a local hotel and stay there for a week? Mostly I go to Canterbury Faire because it means that I am not the one responsible for the cleaning of the toilets etc for a week - I do two chores and everything else is done for me. Going to a hotel or motel for a week could have the same effect on you, rather than institutionalisatin. I'm not sure that last one is a word. It's awfully clunky.

[marsden-online.livejournal.com]

Not really. Household chores take up very few spoons and I'd still have to deal with meals. Nothing spoon-positive is any more likely to spontaneously happen if I were to go to a motel for a week (actually the expense would be highly spoon-negative).

But thanks for the thought :)