And then there are times like these

[marsden_online]

I need my brain to be active; it's like treading water. If I stop I start to sink into the dark depths of loneliness and self-pity.

Then there are times like now when I am too exhausted on one or more levels to seek out or initiate or maintain self-distraction. These times are like being sucked down and slowly drowned in a morass of unrequited want. The physical exhaustion adds a particularly visceral quality to the experience.

I know that I am just tired and drained after last night: poor sleep, dubious food, forgetting to take my meds, unfortunate party drama, the weight of years of baggage which always seems to fall out of the wardrobe at New Years. I know (hope) that in a day or two I will have recovered the energy to stay afloat. I have marshalled myself enough to take a walk around the block to somewhat disrupt the loop my brain was repeating and a healthy dinner is cooking.

I know that other people have it worse but this is about me, and right now I feel pretty shit.

"A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend with weed is better
A friend with breasts and all the rest
A friend who's dressed in leather

A friend in need's a friend indeed
A friend who'll tease is better
Our thoughts compress which makes us blessed
And makes for stormy weather."

Damn earworm in not helping.