marsden_online: (Sisters)
Depression and anxiety have taken advantage of the lack of energy stemming from a week or two plagued to launch a resurgence and start kicking my ass again. Today was particularly bad, brought on by pushing myself beyond reasonable limits dealing with everything at the Hall working bee yesterday. Despite every intention I did not make it into work, and when I had finally given up on the idea and checked into my work mailbox at 2pm it was to find two urgent items from this morning requiring my attention. Which I was able to attend to from home, but one stemmed from a project I had done the week prior to sick-week and the fix was something I explicitly thought I had done at the time.

I did also manage to solve the problem which had me stumped at the end of Friday, which I what I had actually dragged myself out of bed with the intention of doing.

Sometimes I think the little voice inside my head which says "you can do/fix this" actually belongs to a little gremlin with a big hammer who is really looking forward to breaking things more.

I find myself just wanting to walk away from almost everything ... but that is not a feasible option.
marsden_online: (write)
Toward the end of last week the EQC payout for the drain replacement arrived in my mailbox. Because it was a holiday weekend (Easter) banking it was less immediate than I would have liked, but after an uncomfortable couple of days sitting on a substantially large cheque I got it deposited. Now my internet banking shows two balances, one slightly unreal total and one much smaller "available".

Once the cheque clears I will be zipping most of that money off into a less "touchable" location while I work on plans for the next round of overdue household maintenance. Meanwhile my half-asleep brain suggested to me last night that this is actually quite an apt analogy for how I often find myself feeling about life. That is I am told that I have built up all this credit of various sorts (social), but I can't actually seem to access it in the ways I want it to have immediate value to me.

Objectively I realise this is because at some level I still have internalised the idea that if you do enough of the "right things" for people, you will get back the "right things" (you want) in return.

This segues into feelings about a post which has been shared through my Facebook feed a few times in the past week. The post itself is a screen capture of a tumblr post, I've tracked down the original but the author's Tumblr is very NSFW and comes with a blanket trigger warning so I'm going to quote the whole post here as well. (Not least to have a permacopy, but also because screen-caps are not non-sighted-user friendly.)
What I mean when I say “toxic monogamy culture”
- the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love
- the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities
- the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy
- the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else
- the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity
- the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship
- the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on
- the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life
- the idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself

Now we know that I emotionally even when not philosophically bought into some of these quite strongly during my younger years. It's probable that some of them still lurk below the surface waiting to strike when (if) the opportunity arises, as I have come to a better rational understanding secondhand through observation and "book learning" rather than through actual personal experience.

Actually reading through the list properly for the first time though it was the last one that struck me hard. Being of value to others does make up an overwhelmingly large part of how I value and define myself. I mean once you get past survival, once you get past living comfortably, what else is there?

[tangent]
For lack of a specific partner I have channeled my energy and devotion into an array of causes and people / non-romantic interactions/relationships over the years, but all the time craving that singular connection in return.

Not I should probably say as a singular recipient of all my attention, I care for others far too easily for that, but more as an anchor or a touchstone or a companion to share the journey with such that when it feels I am lost and storm-tossed on the seas of life, throwing cargo overboard for nowt but the space filling up with water I can reach to one side and be certain that someone is close there to me, and the world will well again.

That might seem like a terrible load to ask, it might seem as if I am expecting someone to "meet [my] every need", but in truth it's a fairly narrow subset of my needs, just potentially intense. I am lucky, oh I know how lucky I am, to have many committed friends now whom provide support in various ways, some who have gone out of their way to provide more than I ever asked and more importantly work on opening me up so I could accept and lean on that support for a while.

But even the most determined of my friends has not made a connection that feels like we are actually sharing each others lives to any great degree. It is more that our lives touch from time to time, like the courses of ships travelling the same way for a little while but not bound for the same port. That their course may change without notice or that they could pass beyond reach at any moment due to a swell or a storm.
[/tangent]

What else is there? Some people do fixate on a measure or measures representing material worth, striving to make the numbers ever greater. I don't know that they are actually valuing themselves. Some people spend their lives chasing the thrill of new experiences, I don't know how they value themselves. Some people seem to feel that just existing is value enough, they are welcome to that but at a fundamental level I don't understand how knowing that adding value is how the society they enjoy living in came to exist, they feel no responsibility to maintain it or drive to add more.

How does one have value to oneself? One is. Value only comes into existence when one interacts.

Perhaps I am off on the wrong track. Perhaps first I should be looking closer at another word I used without really thinking above. Perhaps value follows from how we define ourselves, but how even do we do that?

It's a post for another day now, but I do very strongly define the person I want to be because there is another person I know I am capable of being or even am by default, and that I have made the decision is not the person I value myself as.

[tangent]
Far too many people are perhaps still too busy just trying to survive to really think about valuing themselves. It take less energy to believe what others say about your value, to let others decide your value :( Another link I have already shared today: Addicts or not, workers don’t deserve public shaming.
[/tangent]
marsden_online: (Sisters)
The same thing we do every day, fight the ennui and despair with distractions* until we are past exhaustion."
"But what if we are past exhaustion** to start with brain?"
"Then we're fucked, and not in the good way***."
ya-snip )
marsden_online: (BlueDragon)
I was planning to spend this evening writing. I have a backlog 4 or 5 gaming-related posts in mental draft. This is none of those posts but is the one I have found the energy to write.

My journal has been quiet lately but life has been busy. I am now in 3 games a week (DMing a new story in my Broken Kingdoms setting as well as playing in the two campaigns I am journalling). Russian lessons have resumed. Work has started back busy and for the most part I have been putting in numbers of hours which I consider good. This week I started training a new hire straight out of study - this is somewhat of a new (and learning) experience.

I have literally been cleaning house - freed up much space in the hallway wardrobe by by taking the accumulation of obsolete appliances (VCRs, CRTs etc) away for recycling and last weekend I finally hired a truck and cleared the 20+ years of accumulated junk out of the garage and back shed. They feel ... kind of empty, but in a good way I guess.

This included the washing machine which blew its circuit board (again) at the end of January. It was only 10 months since the last time and I had the money "spare" so I bit the bullet and purchased a new one (ex-display, commercial model, good power and water efficiency ratings (for a washing machine)). Spent more than I intended to but expect it to have a long life under domestic conditions. I also replaced the lounge suite which while in as-new condition when it came with the house 20 years ago had seen hard use by gamers over the years, with several broken springs and other metal poky bits where the covering had worn through at the corners. I have replaced that with a cheap trade-in 2x2 + 1 suite as a bit of an experiment in space usage that I can flick on with no remorse if it doesn't work out.

It was a pretty big effort coming off the back of a very full work-and-other-things week (very grateful that D. turned up to help out) and I've been paying for that this week I guess. Emotionally I'm feeling pretty shattered and weak right now. Other contributions to this include hall dramas and stepping up as emotional support for various friends.

This coming weekend I am in Wellington for a wedding - flights mean it looks like I'm going to have a lot of downtime (like maybe all of Sunday). I am taking my Russian notes with me and maybe I will find the inspiration to actually start those other posts.

Bleg

Jan. 12th, 2015 11:12 am
marsden_online: (Cat Yarn)
Last week "on holiday" which means I need to start coaxing my body clock back into something more suited to work hours. This basically means getting out of bed at a reasonable time and setting myself to do things over the day.

Each time I try to list the things which need doing it rapidly balloons out of control, so I'm restricting the length to three significant items at a time. Which of course means so far today I have simply made headway on a fourth ... and fought off the desire for a late-morning nap.

The desire for more sleep this week can probably be partially attributed to the fact that I have pushed myself to exhaustion four of the past seven days - wedding on Monday, mass pruning on Thursday*, serious housecleaning on Saturday and hosting board games on Sunday.

* along with losing my phone when dumping the prunings at the refuse station, which led to some hours of stress. Karma paid back however and M called some contacts at the council and got permission to go in and look for it - once fence-climbing mission later and it was right where I thought it would be, although you needed to be within a couple of metres to hear it ringing from under the rubbish.
marsden_online: (Ghostfighter)
A friend on FB summed up some of my feelingags about this time of year quite neatly.
Them: It's just the following weeks on deadness (when everyone is supposed to be going somewhere except you) is making it so hard and anxiety-inducing.

Me:
Oh Hai, this is what I dread about the Xmas/NY break as well. Nice as it is to have the time off work my time veers between
- the usual events with all-the-people (exhausting) and
- sitting at home doggedly working through a list of tasks I "want" to do as a distraction from the negative feelings from no-one else seems to be inviting me out do to stuff or interested in my suggestions of doing stuff

~~~
As today is the first "working" day of my holiday some of the things I have set to do today include:
Level up Markos
Two galleries of photos from the weekend
Have another bash at Smugmug's "new" (introduced a year ago) interface and see if I can make it work for me rather than against me; eventually they are bound to turn off the old one.
See if I can get the guest editor functionality for a gallery working for someone else to upload photos
Wash the dishes
Grocery shopping

Then I'll see what part of the day I am up to.

Dear diary

Dec. 8th, 2014 10:17 pm
marsden_online: (Cat Yarn)
Recording quite a surprisingly pleasant weekend. Somehow I found myself under pretty much no pressure to be anywhere or do anything which led to a lot of napping and a surprising amount of productivity in between
- picking up an Xmas present for the elder niblings
- some significant reading
- going to a party and dancing early and hard (which in retrospect may have been a bit of a mistake as it contributed to my fading off home early)
- some significant hedge pruning
- Some minor stuff at the Hall on Sunday - not what I had sort of planned due to the weather completely sapping my enthusiasm for the outdoors but cleaned up some glass indoors and emptied the water containers while photographer etc did their thing.
- catching up on writing game logs (several hours of writing there)

The reading and the writing in particular were aided immensely by finally managing to come up with a comfortable arrangement for sitting up in bed with either book or laptop. (This may in future also result in more media watching). Time spent out of the "office" and away from the preponderance of possible "to dos" on the main computer is good for me.

~~~
Today was also quite unusual - a Hall alarm at 5:15am (unusual time, unusual day), pretty much just on dawn meant by the time I got home again there was little point in going back to bed even though I had only managed 4-5 hours broken, dream-filled sleep (probably due to all of the aforementioned napping). This led to
- doing a load of laundry
- six fairly productive hours at work
- washing the dishes
- vacuuming

At this point I had to take a nap because while I could have pushed myself to do the next thing on the list it would not have been done well and it would not have been good for me I woke up with enough energy and more importantly determination to pick up momentum again.

- mopped the floors -> bringing me up-to-date on the household chores
- cooked a good dinner which will double for tomorrow night
- caught up the accounts (and discovered my recent foray into Bonus Bonds is starting to pay out - must make a separate spreadsheet to track ROI on that)
- dug up some information about our power usage and emailed it off to one of the companies I am talking to about Solar (and probably the one I am going to go with).
- made a dear diary post :)

I'd like to think I'll be able to get a good nights sleep and an early start for an equally good day tomorrow but as I remember all too well from the start of last week, that's actually probably going to prove pretty arbitrary and random.
marsden_online: (Sisters)
I can say yesterday was a good day. On about 6 hours sleep (I sleep wayyy to much anyway) I somehow was out of bed and stayed out of bed at a fairly early hour over my body & brain's protestations. I had planned to spend the morning writing but instead somehow pruned a chunk of hedge, mowed the lawns, and completed several smaller chores before a midday lunch and over to the hall for a half-hour vigorous grubbing of thistles and some pruning before first roleplayers and then a photographer and crew turned up.

Some explanation: I had (reluctantly) arranged to be at the Hall for the photographer, and the DM for our Wednesday game had a week off and was keen to run an extra session. Since the weather was theoretically going to be fine and I wasn't keen on twiddling my thumbs around the hall for 3 ½ hours I saw the opportunity to cross "game at the hall" off the bucket list.

The weather was not as warm as it could have been on the day before summer (pity the models) but we still managed to have a good time I think.

I got home a bit later than I would have liked, had a nice burger for dinner and still had just enough left in me to process the weekend party photos. Crashed into bed before 9pm looking forward to waking up early and having an equally productive day today.

Slept solidly, woke up around 7 ... with completely no ability to get out of bed. A long list of things which need doing (see below); several of which I want to get done; but absolutely no capacity to act on those desires on my own accord. Eventually my bladder forced me out of bed a little after 10am.

That's 3 hours in which I could have completed any of
- update my AU spellsheet to output Markos' new 3rd level spells and Zediz'r's new 4th level spells
- write up the next "On the Road" (as I continue to fall behind)
- persuade the flatmate to excavate ~ the last two weeks of dishes from his room so they could be washed, and washed them

Those 3 things all sort of needed to be done today (because Tuesdays are invariably completely taken by work and gaming and the backlog will just get worse come Wednesday evening's session). I will still have time and spoons to complete /one/, probably the least necessary, after I have eaten tonight.

Alternatively I could have caught up of the hall stuff I am failing to find the motivation to push (eg overdue working bee) or managed a "full" day at work and been home to complete one or more of these things in the evening. I haven;t even been very good at getting out of bed for work the past couple of months - I haven't lost *all* the progress I thought I had made but my performance has not been stellar.

It's not even that I don't want to go to work either because I do, it's just that
...
despite all the reasons I lie there listing to myself about why I should be getting out of bed
...
none of them "do it" for me.

And yet Sunday, when I could have stayed in bed for more hours and it wouldn't have mattered, My system was suddenly "Bam. lets get stuff done". And I /know/ that when I get up early I have good days and get stuff done. I have a lot of stuff I /want/ to get done even though I'm wondering about the point of some of it.

It's like I've forgotten how to can.
marsden_online: (Sisters)
Dreams (the night-time variety) .. one can leave you feeling relaxed and happy, the next can turn around and leave you shattered and broken. If they'd happened in the other order I'd feel better.

It is probably the after effects of a week of widely fluctuating emotions in response to a series of events - from nigh exhilarating highs to gutting comedowns. Also a week where I pushed myself somewhat at work and while I am happy with the time spent and with the quality of my code I still did not complete the results I was aiming for, at the cost of tiring myself out.

So today I feel broken and hurt and alone, and have a bad case of the "don't wanna's" which means I only* managed to drag myself out of bed because I have commitments to meet this afternoon - this will get done as will probably some other things which sort of /need/ doing but the things I had planned to do today are probably dead in the water.

* Also because lying in bed moping wasn't going to increase the chances of someone turning up on my doorstep to "distract and comfort"** me - but then neither is dumping and angsting in my journal.

** totally a euphemism
marsden_online: (BlueDragon)
It's been about a fortnight since my last entry. Sometimes that means life is going really well and I just don't have time to update. This time it means life is a bit of a slog and I haven't even really had the energy to think about updating.

I clearly overdid things far more than I thought in the lead up to my trip - since then my ability to get out of bed in the morning has plummeted as have my work hours (although the quality of my work in those hours is I think better than in the longer hours I was pushing through previously), and the amount of energy coping with the Hall sucks has ballooned. There seem to be an unusually high number of people expecting that I can arrange something there for them at short notice right now; fortunately M has been available to be on site weekday afternoons.

Last night there was an o-ghod-oclock-am alarm which I barely managed to drag myself out of bed to attend (doors open, no-one found), and then failed to get any meaningful sleep for the rest of the night*, dragging myself out of bed with just enough time to throw clothes on and grab the makings of breakfast to take with me as I headed out the door to open up for a groups of film students at 10am. I eventually ate [brunch] about 11 sitting on the patio steps in the sun but my body was already telling me my physical reserves were at the point of exhaustion, and then I spent the next hour or so pulling weeds. By the time I made it home about 2pm I managed a drink and a banana before falling back into bed for a few hours; from which I awoke not particularly refreshed. (A shower and dinner have since helped to some extent.)

* I was asleep enough to dream - a very long dream about the hall (which had grown another 2 dormitory wings and various other rooms) being overrun without permission by hundreds of people doing some sort of Zombie Walk event at the same time as the Red Cross were attempting to do an exercise there. In some scenes it was hard to tell who were the exercise victims and who were the "zombies" especially as the latter while generally well-behaved kept ignoring the instructions not to go into the areas the Red Cross had set up for their exercise, and I had friends who were involved in both (which the dream gave me several hugs from; the only positive point). The alarm clock woke me up just as I had spotted "zombie" people actually making their way / breaking into the managers residence and my feelings of helpless anger were peaking.

And tomorrow still has an ever-increasing list of things which will need doing.

~~~
There have been some positive experiences in the past couple of weeks - gaming is going well on both nights and last night I hung out with a friend for dinner and an introduction to Firefly which I have so far avoided except as a wash of pop-culture; only because I don't tend to watch things by myself.
marsden_online: (write)
So before going to bed in the wee small hours I read this Cracked.com article which had been linked on FB. Basically it points out that the world only sees what you put out there, and how you go about putting it out there. If it doesn't like that maybe you need to find/build something else about yourself to "sell", or find/learn another way of selling.

The article sort of touches on both ends without mentioning the middle. To start with it talks about the importance of "closing" whatever transaction you are trying to make with the world (ie making the sale). Then it jumps to the beginning
- figuring out what you make/do that gives the world (specifically members of [insert gender/s you are attracted to here]) that gives them any reason to want you, that they can't get a better deal on elsewhere (this doesn't have to be material)
- and how you show the world that you can and will do that (emphasis, show don't tell)

What it misses (perhaps a weakness, perhaps deliberate) is any advice on how to make the "close". There is quite a lot of this out there but (as we're talking about transactions) I have mostly seen it in advice for salespeople / small businesses / freelancers. It involves "The Ask" - once you've shown what your product/service has to offer the majority of the time you still have to look the potential client in the eye and ask "so, can we do business?" The parallel to asking out someone you're interested in should be obvious.

I really really suck at The Ask. Perhaps it's something I missed out on growing up, perhaps I just gave up "practising" too soon (see next article, below). There is another question I ask constantly though: "Is there anything I can do for you?" Or to myself: "Is there anything I can do for this person?"

Answering yes to the second is behind many of the things I do for people "spontaneously". In terms of the article this is one way I show the world what I am capable of. Acting on answers to the first is another. And it's perhaps obtuse and a poor strategy, but when it comes down to attractive women I often hope for the answer to translate into something that leads to relationship status change. It may sound like unfairly putting "The Ask" back on them, but it's also seeking a sign of permission to make The Ask myself.

The "world as a transaction based system" premise of the article is something I disagree with. Here "I reject your reality and substitute my own". You can exist that way but I believe that a life worth living is a function of give and receive, not give and take. Most people are happiest when they are making something, and in my world that certainly includes making people happy.

~~~
As a follow up Cracked recommended "How 'The Karate Kid' Ruined The Modern World. This one is a rant about how training montages in films have given a generation unreasonable expectations of how long it takes to get really good at something.

I mention it here because there is a relationship back to the advice I've seen in almost every article about starting out as a freelancer/contractor ever - things always take longer than you think they will. You can only ever get better at allowing for that. Aslo don;t get sucked into the myth that "you have to finish what you start, but I'd better leave that for another day.

~~~
For their contributions to this post Marsden would like to acknowledge the small gods of [livejournal.com profile] lenfant_de_jeu, Mountain Dew/sugar/caffiene, sleep deprivation and too much dancing.
marsden_online: (Cat Yarn)
I find myself in that most unusual of situations, an entire weekend where no-one else has any prior claim to my time. The intent is to get a whole lot of things done, but as a sedate pace rather than rushed and crammed in.

So far:
- stayed up until nearly 3am finishing a game of FreeCiv
- had a non-guilty lie in* (and still didn't get up that much later than I have been guiltily dragging myself out of bed this week)

Should actually be
- laundry
- vacumning
- moving TV etc back into the lounge
- cleaning bathroom
- washing, cleaning out & vacumning car
- sawing up branches into firewood and mowing the lawn behind where they are piled
- knocking the mortar off more of the bricks left from the chimney
- writing at least one substantial blog post
- burning a DVD or two of photos and moving them from "Recent" to the "Archive" directory [final count 10]
- similar backup of other data
- backing up phone contacts etc
- replying to Hall emails
- other (mostly digital) administrivia tasks
- tidying the office
- sorting out Arcana Unearthed spell list spreadsheet for Thursday game
- working on a Marvel Supers game

~~~
* included a dream where there was a working bee at #AHChch and all these people I didn't know showed up until we had a chapel full. some people knew what they wanted to do and were just going and doing it in a fairly chaotic fashion, most people were new to the Hall and didn't really seem to know what they should be doing. A & I (at cross purposes) were just starting to get everyone quieted down so we could start organising work-groups when the dream ended.
* it didn't help that this was one of those dreams where my eyes weren't working properly.
* some of the pews had been replaced with really old ornately carved dark wooded pews - which I couldn't resist running my handover as I walked past
* in the middle of the fabric room was a large indoor garden where some people may have been having a picnic

Done today

Oct. 20th, 2013 07:40 pm
marsden_online: (Cat Yarn)
For what was supposed to have been a day off, quite busy
Did laundry
Cleaned Shower
Vacumned
Mowed (some) lawns
Read Making Money (discworld) (serendipitously acquired on Saturday)
Sorted through a pile of old gaming notes
Made an expedition to pick up more coreflute for the Hall

Yesterday was also quite busy although most of that was related to an #AH working bee. Surprisingly I found a few hours just to relax here and there. I managed that a number of times this week, although sometimes as a side effect of other things going wrong. Sure it's good for me... kinda.

Got congratulated at work for doing a "long day" - in by 10, still there at 4:30. I had to to make up my hours, having been called away to the Hall after only an hour and a half on Thursday. By rights I should be doing days like that more often but I've been having trouble making it in before 11. My *aim* is at least 5 hours a day ... usually I miss by at least half an hour.

This weekend on the other hand I was wide awake and raring to go early both days. I hope that carries over to the week but I rather suspect crashing out between 6pm/8pm both preceding nights had a lot to do with it. That's not sustainable either.
marsden_online: (Default)
Because I had chosen to take today off work to facilitate use of the Hall I was trying to complete my work hours by the end of Thursday. This was not aided by various other events during the week, and some day it felt like coding through mud, but it happened. (If I'd had today on top of that I would actually have maxed out my hours).

In doing so I also managed to complete some non-trivial new functionality (has only taken about twice as long as estimated - so far) and tidy up some loose ends leaving me with a clear idea where to start on Monday (touch wood).

I tried to convince myself that this left me with no stress for the evening, but it didn't quite work. this mornings 8am frosty start hovered at the back of my mind through pre-SAGA socialising and enjoyable if not entirely successful games of Castles of Burgundy and Thurn und Taxis.

I took the precaution of making a lunch and packing my bag for today before going to bed. Today will be written about tomorrow (or later) because it will go better in a post with tomorrow. right now it is time for a very early night.
marsden_online: (skull)
Today was the first day in ages I didn't have work, Hall or social commitments. I intended to do not a lot and a few overdue chores. Instead...
- did sleep in (after an interrupted night)
- washed the bedding
- took delivery of a cabinet with commensurate other furniture etc rearranging
- vacumned
- cleaned out the toaster
- mopped the floors
- cleaned the bathroom ceiling/walls (stealth mould! and other accumulates)
- cleaned the shower etc
- took what was to be a 1-hour nap but became 3 hours and left me feeling pretty groggy
- washed the dishes

... I do not feel rested.

This was on top of expending a lot of physical energy at the Hall yesterday, mostly gardening. Didn't drink or eat sufficiently to go with that. Actually I've been pretty bad in my eating habits recently - far too much gluten and there are a lot of old symptoms coming back (eg night sweats, difficulty keeping warm). More of mothers home baking came today - that's not going to help with keeping my diet on track.

~~~
Also this week I need to get my work hours done in four days (achievable as long as nothing comes up) because I've taken Friday off to be at the Hall for a group shooting a music video...
marsden_online: (Default)
Despite my generally-low spoon levels I have been waking early, rising early and getting chores done before going to work. Sometimes in the evening too but only after a substantial late-afternoon/early evening nap. I seem to have started early on the Xmas clean-and-sort - which as I didn't manage to complete it last year is probably no bad thing.

This is kind of aided by the fact that I am slowly moving back into the "office" and whereas moving out was a concentrated exercise in "move-all-the-things" this is a more gradual process done as I have the spoons / need to set up/access particular things. Actually working from "work" has cut way back on these things.

At the weekend I don't have work, so yesterday and today so far have seen
- a focussed forking weeding attack on a section of the garden
- intermittent sorting and repacking of one of the hallway cupboards
- dismantling and cleaning of a keyboard (grotty)
- putting away the gazebo
- some work at the Hall
- clearing my RSS backlog and some other tabs

Much of this is done with that kind of nervous energy which comes from being on a low-ebb plateau, where if you don't keep accomplishing things you might crash at any time. (There have been a couple of crashes/hard naps - I'm running out of energy easily.) I've also spent some time playing Civ though and I'm considering setting up the other computer and re-installing Diablo II or dropping a few dollars on something interesting from gog.com. First though I actually need to get the desk moved back from the lounge.

What I am actually procrastinating (and I know it) is writing up the last of the Kiera's Thoughts journals, which I want to complete on LJ before I make the export/move to Dreamwidth. That's probably going to take a few hours, and I keep not-quite-having / not-quite-wanting to commit that block of time. Or something. Right now for instance it's half-past-11 and I need to be over at the Hall by 1pm, lunch in the interval.

Update: got the lawns done in that time.
marsden_online: (BlueDragon)
While having lunch on a not-braining day. Not braining day is probably due to a) stressful week b) lack of weekend c) ingesting two much gluten repeatedly over the past 3+ days. Not braining days are less inconvenient when I'm not supposed to be working. At least am at home as still haven't heard back about car and it's not really a day for cycling.

Thursday )

Friday )

Saturday )

Sunday )

Monday (today) )
marsden_online: (BlueDragon)
Sunday approached being a really good day. I managed a lie-in, caught up on some stuff online, spontaneously wrote a blog post, crossed a minor but long-standing time off the to-do-list which procrastinating on replying to an email (which I then got around to), did some gardening, got over to the Hall for an hour-or-so to clean up some more graffiti and stick up some signs, had a good time talking to people at the BBQ and managed a random act of making of someones day with minimum effort.

Did not get the dishes of laundry done which was a bit of a downer.

Came home very tired, looking forward to a good nights sleep and hitting the week running. A 4am #AH alarm put paid to that plan. (There were also multiple alarms in the small hours of Saturday and Sunday but they weren't as late or as bad for some reason).

So today required hauling myself out of bed some hours later than I would have liked, and the firefighting started before I even got to work with an issue I noticed in my galleries (necessitating a support ticket). Remembered to put the laundry on before leaving the house. The rest of the morning was taken up jumping from issue to issue at work (but I did get some things documented in the process) making it after lunch by the time I actually got started on todays project. Then as I was finishing up one of the Hall alarms was triggered 3 times - there was no point trying to rush to it through 5pm traffic but I stopped in as soon as I could on the way home - forgetting to buy groceries - yes someone had been (forced their way into) into the managers residence. Dealt with stuff online, put dinner on and finally managed to get the dishes done.

Currently waiting for dinner to fish cooking, and still so tired. But things to be done before I can go to bed.

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